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Online Dating Anyone?

As a single member of the 21st century, I’ve dabbled in online dating. By dabble, I mean, I make a profile and keep it for two-four weeks before deleting it… and then re-make a profile a few months later. It’s a vicious cycle.

For the seven people out there who haven’t tried online dating, it’s weird. It’s a phenomenon that confuses me. I get the concept, you write what you think people want to hear, post pictures of yourself doing fun things and looking fabulous while doing said things and hope to catch a mate. Don’t get me wrong, some people find true love on dating websites at least four times a year. However, I’ve had no such luck. Hence, this blog.

I’ve been on and off dating websites for as long as I can remember. I met my last long term boyfriend on a site called Nexopia (I’m not even sure I knew it was a dating website at the time), but it was love at first type and we dated for awhile. So, after that relationship detoured to Breakupsville, I figured I’d give it a whirl again. Man, do I regret this decision.

I tried EHarmony, you know, where you pay a monthly fee to find love. Yeah, you’d think that if someone was willing to pay actual money to find a mate, they’d be pretty serious about it. Nope. I wasn’t, I went on exactly zero dates in three months. This was mainly because everyone I got matched with lived in a different province, or country and I don’t like airplanes, or pen pals. Plus, it’s a seven thousand step process to get to the back and forth communication part of the “courting” process. EHarmony, $134 dollars; Me, zero dates.

I tried Match.com. I actually made a decent profile and then never logged in again. Ever. Match.com, uninteresting and too green; Me, zero dates.

I tried Plenty of Fish (or as I call it, FISH OF PLENTY). I’ve created an account on this site approximately nine times in the last three years. NINE. (My love life is so bumpin). I make the same profile every time, I tweek a few words here and add some random facts there, but mainly I use the same gist (and I’ve got to say, I’m pretty honest about how weird and awkward I am). Then I post six-eight photos (always a head shot with make up on, a head shot with NO make up on, a couple photos of me doing fun activities, and a full body shot dressed up; gotta give the boys a realistic view of my many faces). Anyways, most of my dating history comes from this site. Why? I have no idea, especially when 87% of the messages I receive are “Hey” or “Your gorgeous” (yup, 9 out of 10 times messages are boring or spelled wrong). The best part of POF is that you get actual people soliciting sex from you, or straight up sending you pictures of their schlong. Yet, I always reactivate my profile… Maybe I’m the messed up one? POF, entertaining and free; Me, too many failed dates to count.

In my opinion online dating is like an addiction. You hate it, but you can’t stop. You want to be part of it, but don’t want to admit it. I sort of understand why people use online dating (heck, I’m one of them) but ultimately there is only one thing that matters, chemistry, and ain’t nobody going to find that on a computer screen.

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This is Me!

First of all, I should let you all know that I’m just an average Jane. I work a full time job (sales), a part time job (cocktail servant), workout a few times a week (realistically, a few times a month), eat semi-healthily (I love me a grilled cheese), enjoy an active social life (beer pong anyone?), and try to be a decent human being. I also have the good grace to be decent looking. I’ve never had any complaints and often get mistaken for a university student of 23 (booya, my genes are holding strong), even though I am 22 months shy of 30, not that I’m counting or anything.

Second of all, why am I doing this? Well, let me tell you dear reader, I’m doing this because everyone needs to know that they are not alone in this ridiculous dating game called “finding the one”. Plus, you can laugh at me and feel better about your miserable love life (hopefully, yours is full of flowers and shoes and love and laughing and all that shit that I’m jealous of, though).

Third of all, How did I get here? Well, I was perfectly content in my four year relationship until I realized I wasn’t. And let me tell you, when that thought slips into your head it’s like a disease that you can’t get rid of (herpes, for example). Anyways, we obviously broke up (mutually, because I’m a boss like that), and now I’m dating (for over three years, I will add).

Last of all, with all this being said, although my life is like a comedic movie, I love my life. The things that happen in my life belong in a play, or a movie, or a novel, or on a talk show; either way, these are my stories, and it’s my life and it is sassy and shitty as all sin. Sorry not sorry.

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