Tag Archives: unbroken

This is the story of: Bartender

Everyone gets a nickname. Nobody gets called by their real name until they’ve been around long enough to not run away, or have me run from them (also known as; ignoring all communication until they get the point, and if that doesn’t work, blocking their number). For the sake of not ruining lives and their privacy (and me not getting spammed on facebook) I will only refer to men/boys/man-children by their nicknames. But hey, if you know this guy and see him on the street spit on him, or kick him, or just point and laugh (because not all them deserve to get spit on).

There have been so many short term dates, I’m not even certain I could tell you their last name, or their first for that matter (I would make a vailiant effort though). BUT, don’t count me out just yet, I can tell you their nickname, and the story of how utterly terrible our first date went. Or, in some cases, how the “situation” (as I like to call my dating experiences that last past date three) crashed and burned in a firey mess of tears and vodka.

Because I’m new at this blogging thing, and you’re new to my experiences in this catastrophe we call dating, I will start with a small, simple, life altering experience.

This is the story of: Bartender

Bartender and I met, duh, in a bar that he worked at. He told me he was the manager, but also a bartender. I was drunk and dressed ghetto fabulously (we were at a reggae club after all). We flirted. He was handsome. I was coy. He touched my hand. I asked for singles. He gave me doubles. And then at the end of the night I said, and this is ballsy of me people, I said… “So you going to ask for my number or not?” he said no. True story.

This isn’t the end of the story though. He then stopped, I could actually see the wheels turning in his head, and he said “yes, actually, yes I am. I want that number”. So, I wrote my number out on a chit (that piece of paper that comes out of the machine at the bar… not important) and left the bar. TWO HOURS later he writes me, he comes over, my roommate, Bartender and I sit up for a few hours chatting, he leaves and says “I will call you tomorrow”.

People, he ACTUALLY called me. The. Very. Next. Day. I was floored. Here was this handsome, quiet, and funny man, and he actually called me back. (Remember folks, I am new to the dating scene after four years of domestic bliss, and this isn’t what Cosmo told me to expect). Anyways, he called me. We talked. We flirted. We made plans to walk his dog.

We ended up cancelling the dog walking plans because I went out of town, but Bartender and I proceeded to see each other every Wednesday (when I went to his club) and the odd other night for almost three months. It was casual, but I liked him and he liked me and even pointed out that I had freckles (something I didn’t even realize). Ladies, we all know those cute things win us over. No judging.

Long story longer, I went to his club one night and was chillin with some new “friends”, when one girl asked how I knew Bartender. I replied with “oh, we just met here and chill every so often”. (Keep in mind, I’m playing it cool, I’ve met his friends, gone for dinners, seen him outside of the club scene, text him daily, talk to him on the phone, oh so many things), That’s when this rando replies “sweet, so you must know his fiance”.

YUP. FIANCE. Being the utterly fantastic liar I am (only to strangers though, don’t fret family or friends who are reading this, you know my tell), I reply “no, I haven’t met her, she doesn’t come out very often, work or something” and continue to have a casual chat with her for a few more minutes, before changing the subject and casually sauntering off…

Yes, Bartender turned out to have a long term, live in girlfriend. Not yet engaged, but they probably are by now. I wish them years of happiness and no herpes… at least for her. She is probably a lovely woman.

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The Beginning of my New Beginning

Where to start, where to start? I feel like before diving into the absurd dating stories I have, I should start off with a lovely tale of two people and how they came to end their relationship.

D and I had been together for darn near four years when I told him we needed to “talk”. Anyone who has ever been in a relationship knows that these are the words that you NEVER want to hear. No one says “we need to talk” and then asks what you want for dinner, or if you’d like to take a trip to Mexico. No, these words are always followed by a serious relationship talk. So talk is what we did.

Our talk went lovely. We agreed we were content but weren’t passionate or supremely happy, like all the truly in love couples on tv are. So we decided to give it a couple of days and think it through and then work on making a decision. We were so very adult about it.

Anyways, the day after we had our “talk” I came home from work and found D already home, not an unusual occurrence, but he had the look of a kid who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. This is the conversation that followed:

Me: What did you do?

D: Nothing. Why?

Me: You did something. Tell me.

D:…….. I broke the computer.

Me: What? How? Were you looking at porn? Because if you were looking at porn then you definitely had enough time to start dinner

*Remember we had been together four years, this type of conversation was normal*

D: I wasn’t looking at porn. I’m not telling you what I did. But the computer has about 300 viruses, so I turned it off. It’s broken.

Me: It was porn.

*At this point I went about making dinner and we left the conversation alone, until I served up a lovely meal of halibut, rice and roasted veggies*

Me: For real, tell me what you did.

D: No… Promise you won’t get mad?

Me: Nope.

D: Ok, but promise you won’t laugh?

Me: If I won’t promise I won’t get mad then why would I promise not to laugh?

D: *says nothing, just stares at me*

Me: Ok, just tell me. Was it gross porn?

D: IT WASN’T PORN!

Me: Sure….

D: I was googling “Mutual Breakups” to see how I should feel about our situation

Me: *stunned silence* followed immediately by laughter.

D: You promised you wouldn’t laugh

Me: No I didn’t. Eat your dinner.

And that was when we both realized that even though we went through the motions of making it work in the previous months, that we would never be together in the long run, because we were best friends, but no longer in love. This was still my best break up to date.

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Filed under Dating, Love Life Problems